What being the mom of a Trans Kid Taught me

Someone said to me once, “When your children are born, they are characters in your story. But eventually they start their own story line where they are the main character and you are in a supporting role.”

It may be hard for a parent to determine when their child’s story has begun, when we should let them learn from their own actions. Notice I did not say “learn from their own mistakes” because I have learned that sometimes mistakes are happy accidents in disguise.

There are many parents of transgender children who wonder, “Is this transition for attention? Is my child trying anything to get through their depression? Is this a response to abuse? Is this because their friends are doing it? Because it’s cool?”

Parents with these thoughts are not alone, and are not horrible people. These are some of the questions that keep us awake, shaking and crying at 3am. These parents are reflecting on a major change and transition, and want to be sure steps are being taken mindfully. Going over “what ifs” in your head is not wrong, but at some point we all need to stop ruminating and move forward – move toward growth.

What finally worked for me was: Release trying to figure out WHY, and focus on WHAT is happening.

You love your child, heart and soul – and seeing them happy while at the same time they know you have their back – will eventually transcend those questions. Keep loving their heart and soul. Who cares about their clothes or haircut? All of that is temporary.

Therapists look for consistency and insistency when helping trans kids. If your child hasn’t wavered the last few years in their transition, then getting them on a path that may fight dysphoria and mental health issues seems like the way to go in my opinion.

Hold their hand and get through it together. You’ll both grow so much from the experience!! And that is not temporary. That is forever.

People ask me if I miss my daughter. I’d rather have a happy son living his true life than a suicidal daughter living to satisfy others.

Isn’t it beautiful when people are allowed to be who they uniquely are, and we accept them without boundaries?

LOVE, real love, is willing to allow those who you care for to be their authentic selves without any insistence that they satisfy you.

4 Replies to “What being the mom of a Trans Kid Taught me”

  1. Stephanie says:

    This is so powerful. Thank you for sharing. <3

  2. Jennifer says:

    We have been going through this with our son (born daughter) for a year or so. It has been an emotional rollercoaster to say the least. I want to echo that as soon as you stop looking at the little effects and start focusing on the health of your child, the rest just doesn’t matter. We still are struggling with depression, medication changes, educational challenges (home schooling right now) and bullying. It’s a daily battle and we are still so new but we are committed to doing anything we need to to help our child.
    For me, a life changing moment was when a therapist asked me what would be so bad if my son later decided he identified with being my daughter instead— if I have been supporting his wishes and calling him the pronouns he asked for, all that would show him is my true love, support and respect. Thanks again for opening this topic!

    • RunningBetty says:

      Thank you for sharing your story and feelings. My blog was hacked, or I would have reached out sooner. Hugs to you and your brave family. Love to all!

  3. Rick Boucher says:

    Fantastic information and a tool we caN all put in our tool boxes !

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